The Joke Thread

[NormCameron]

I know some scottish jokes too but I didn't want to offend you.

 

[echrada]

Bring them on!

 

[NormCameron]

(Pardon the crummy Scottish Accent) Bad for a Cameron I know)

Jock McGregor is dying and he summonns his best friend Angus to his deathbed. He motions to Angus to lean in close and he whispers in his ear :-
"Angus, do ye ken that bottle of 60 year old whisky I've been saving for a special day. Well, when I die I want you tae sprinkle it over my grave.

Angus looks thoughtfull for a minute and whispers back "Aye you poor wee laddie, I will! But, ye won't mind if I give it a wee strain through me kidneys first, will ye?

 

[echrada]

That is a true scot!

 

[Bare Foot Kid]

@Norm; thats a good one ...

















Later Ted

 

[Joan Archer]

Nice one Norm, :D

 

[echrada]

Five surgeons from big cities are discussing who makes the best
patients to operate on.

The first surgeon, from Edinburgh, says, "I like to see accountants on
my operating table because when you open them up, everything
inside is numbered".

The second, from Glasgow, responds, "Yeah, but you should
try electricians! Everything inside them is colour coded".

The third surgeon, from Manchester, says, "No, I really think librarians
are the best, everything inside them is in alphabetical order".

The fourth surgeon, from Birmingham chimes in: "You know, I like
construction workers ... those guys always understand when you
have a few parts left over".

But the fifth surgeon, from Westminster, shut them all up when he
observed:
"You're all wrong. Politicians are the easiest to operate on.
There are no guts; no heart, no balls, no brains and no spine, and the
head and the ass are interchangeable".

 

[Bare Foot Kid]

Hello echrada ...

That's one of the best I've seen lately ... LMAO!















Later Ted

 

[mansrm81]

That's a good one Echrada.

 

[echrada]

We aim to please!

 

[garysgold]

"You're all wrong. Politicians are the easiest to operate on.
There are no guts; no heart, no balls, no brains and no spine, and the
head and the ass are interchangeable".

LMAO :D and so true.

Gary

 

[NormCameron]

Very nice Les. LMAO

 

[NormCameron]

While we are speaking of alcoholic beverages

 

[Joan Archer]

:D Where did you find that Norm, very funny :D

 

[NormCameron]

I collect funny photographs. That one was from MYSpace and is in China.

Do you like this one

 

[Joan Archer]

:D Oh yes very good, another from China I assume

 

[NormCameron]

I believe the rather fierce looking gentleman is either from Dell Headquaters in the States or, and this is more likely, Afghanistan

 

[Jekyll and Hyde]

A guy is alone on a desert island and whilst he was just staring out at the sea he noticed a ripple and it got closer and closer when all of a sudden a gorgeous woman stepped out of the water and slowly walked towards him, he could'nt believe his eyes and stared at her with awe, she walked right up to him and said "Hello, would you like a cigarette?" he replied "oh yes please, I have'nt had a smoke in fifteen years!!" and he watched as the woman unzipped a part of her wetsuit and pulled out 20 marlborough and handed the packet to him, he immediately took out five and lit them all and started puffing away like mad, the woman watched on and then said "I bet you'd like a drink" "A drink?" the man said, "I have'nt had a drink in fifteen years!!" so the woman unzipped another pocket on her wetsuit and pulled out a bottle of whiskey and gave it to the man, as he gulped down the whiskey the woman was looking at him and thinking "hmmmm not a bad looking man" so she said "I bet you have'nt played around in awhile?" the man looked up at her and replied "Blimey you have'nt got a set of golf clubs in there aswell have you?!!!"

I have another one but it uses a word that probably would not be allowed and its a shame as it does not have the same impact with anything else, so I'll have to leave that one out.

 

[NormCameron]

Thats good, "set of Golf Clubs" LMAO

 

[Jekyll and Hyde]

At one time I was like a massive encyclopedia of jokes, but they have all deserted me now, and only a few remain and unfortunately they are all a bit on the naughty side, and not appropriate for a public forum......shame, I'll send you the other one I wish I could put on here in a pm to you if you like :D