The Joke Thread

[sassofalco]

Gary, them's is a real barrel of bellyachesD:D

.......and the little woman says "Ooooooh! I need to exercise and walk off that Christmas Dinner."
So I say "The fuel can is in the cupboard and the mower is in the shed....."

And then the fight started........:sa:

 

[NormCameron]

Gary, them's is a real barrel of bellyachesD:D

.......and the little woman says "Ooooooh! I need to exercise and walk off that Christmas Dinner."
So I say "The fuel can is in the cupboard and the mower is in the shed....."

And then the fight started........:sa:

So did you buy her the mower for Christmas? Some women are unappreciative, aren't they, I showed this to the small, but vicious, She Who Wants To Be Obeyed, and then the fight started......

 

[sassofalco]

So did you buy her the mower for Christmas? Some women are unappreciative, aren't they, I showed this to the small, but vicious, She Who Wants To Be Obeyed, and then the fight started......

Yeah Mate :D! Why is it that they always grumble when you do things in their interest - things that make the place look 'tidy'. Well at least I can cross these off next year's shopping list;

• Flat-bed radial-arm saw.
• Angle-grinder, Orbital Sander and Variable Speed Jigsaw.
• Potato peeler - ambidextrous.
• Kango Hammer, with chisel and point breakers.
• Trojan Concrete Mixer, with 2 stroke power unit....and last but not least,
• Gift Voucher to "The Totally Workwear" shop.

And I've managed to avoid all the upcoming prompts, hints and suggestions for Valentines Day 2009, by refuelling her car right to the top, already.

Suggest you do the same while the prices are currently low.

 

[pooch]

hehehe lmofaoa,

Thanks gary

These jokes just keep getting better :D

 

[Everlong]

Haha! Those were great, Gary!

 

[Joan Archer]

Just found this on another forum.

An enthusiastic door-to-door vacuum salesman goes to the first house in his new territory.

He knocks. A lady opens the door, and before she has a chance to say anything, he runs inside and dumps cow patties all over the carpet.

He says, “Lady, if this vacuum cleaner doesn’t do wonders cleaning this up, I’ll eat every chunk of it.”

She turns to him with a smirk and says, “You want ketchup on that?”

The salesman says, “Why do you ask?”

She says, “We just moved in and we haven’t got the electricity turned on yet.”

 

[pooch]

Just found this on another forum.

An enthusiastic door-to-door vacuum salesman goes to the first house in his new territory.

He knocks. A lady opens the door, and before she has a chance to say anything, he runs inside and dumps cow patties all over the carpet.

He says, “Lady, if this vacuum cleaner doesn’t do wonders cleaning this up, I’ll eat every chunk of it.”

She turns to him with a smirk and says, “You want ketchup on that?”

The salesman says, “Why do you ask?”

She says, “We just moved in and we haven’t got the electricity turned on yet.”

Cow Patties with a hoover??? Am I glad that I dont live in Wales

Still funny though, Nice one Joan

Pooch

 

[echrada]

The price of gas

 

[Joan Archer]

Just found this on another forum.

An enthusiastic door-to-door vacuum salesman goes to the first house in his new territory.

He knocks. A lady opens the door, and before she has a chance to say anything, he runs inside and dumps cow patties all over the carpet.

He says, “Lady, if this vacuum cleaner doesn’t do wonders cleaning this up, I’ll eat every chunk of it.”

She turns to him with a smirk and says, “You want ketchup on that?”

The salesman says, “Why do you ask?”

She says, “We just moved in and we haven’t got the electricity turned on yet.”

Cow Patties with a hoover??? Am I glad that I dont live in Wales

Still funny though, Nice one Joan

Pooch

Nothing to do with Wales Pooch, it came from America :D

 

[NormCameron]

ROFLMAO

Hey Joan, you and Les got nothing else to do during the Hols.

Very Very Funny,

Norm

 

[echrada]

Norm in between doing 'new' things (nudge, nudge, wink, wink) and laying about, there has been a bit of time!

 

[sassofalco]

The price of gas

Oooooooooooh Mate!!

This was 'click', laugh, 'click', laugh, 'click', laugh,laugh, 'click', more laughter etc. etc.,
right through them all. You could say that it was the effects of laughing gas:D. Very , very funny.......unfortunately true, but!!

 

[pooch]

Nothing to do with Wales Pooch, it came from America :D

I should have known it would have been Sheeps..t
Makes sense though, with all that cattle and the outgoing President it must be full of s..t
Whoops I just insulted America!!

AND then the fight started

 

[echrada]

Pooch be happy you are not French!

 

[Joan Archer]

Norm the joys of being she who must be obeyed

 

[echrada]

Joan isn't it funny how men allow women to think that?

 

[pooch]

Pooch be happy you are not French!

Why?? we English love the French ........................or???

Which reminds me of the story of the Hartlepool Monkey
http://www.thisishartlepool.co.uk/history/thehartlepoolmonkey.asp

 

[pooch]

The monkey-hanging legend is the most famous story connected with Hartlepool. During the Napoleonic Wars a French ship was wrecked off the Hartlepool coast.

During the Napoleonic Wars there was a fear of a French invasion of Britain and much public concern about the possibility of French infiltrators and spies.

The fishermen of Hartlepool fearing an invasion kept a close watch on the French vessel as it struggled against the storm but when the vessel was severely battered and sunk they turned their attention to the wreckage washed ashore. Among the wreckage lay one wet and sorrowful looking survivor, the ship's pet monkey dressed to amuse in a military style uniform.

The fishermen apparently questioned the monkey and held a beach-based trial. Unfamiliar with what a Frenchman looked like they came to the conclusion that this monkey was a French spy and should be sentenced to death. The unfortunate creature was to die by hanging, with the mast of a fishing boat (a coble) providing a convenient gallows.

In former times, when war and strife

The French invasion threaten'd life

An' all was armed to the knife

The Fisherman hung the monkey O !

The Fishermen with courage high,

Siezed on the monkey for a French spy;

"Hang him !" says one; "he's to die"

They did and they hung the monkey Oh!

They tried every means to make him speak

And tortured the monkey till loud he did speak;

Says yen "thats french" says another "its Greek"

For the fishermen had got druncky oh!

 

[pooch]

Thanks Dwarf,
saw it to late though!!

 

[Dwarf]

No problem, Brian.